Gee...I wonder often how it would be if the shoe were on the other foot..It really makes me angry. Mothers who have sole custody of their children have been much maligned for similar behaviour as performed by your childrens' father. However, the father see this as the "ultimate" control.
I feel so bad for you...my heart breaks!
I too, didnt want to fight due to the emotional damage it would cause my daughter. I thought it best that I didnt, because I knew it would just never end. My ex would have fought me to my death. I have no doubt in my mind thats what would have happened. I was going crazy. The shear guilt, and the deathly silence of no child laughing or calling out "Mum!". The absolute gut-wrenching heartache I would feel walking back into my house after dropping her back to dad's, with no Beck. Tears were common-place, and it was my own pain. Although my fiance loves me dearly, he could never really understand. All he could do was hold me. Having to deal with my own emotions and worrying about fighting her dad...I could not face it. So, I had to let her go. Only counselling could help me do that. This is why it makes me so angry that a father can do this! If he only knew!!!!!!!
I'm ok now. I've learnt to "live" with it. I've learnt that its okay to have "a life". I have a career. I have a gorgeous partner, who I would not be without. I have a beautiful home, a career, financially stable. But it would be my ultimate dream for Beck to be with us. If for nothing else, I have worked hard to be where I am today, for my sake and for Beck.
If I can be any kind of role model for her, this is what I would like her to see of me. Happy.
Sooner or later, somehow you will see your children, Felicity. Dont ever give up hope. I have always hoped that when Beck's ready she will come for me. I tell her all the time that the light is on for her,always, for whenever she wants to come home. Its so unfair what their father is doing to them. Again, he's using the children as pawns.
Someday, you will be strong enough to fight him, and you will have those kids back,even if it means when they're older. They dont understand whats really going on right now. But they will open their own eyes-oneday. Perhaps it will mean you have to turn away, and the moment you do, they will come running. I have thought of turning away, only recently. I have felt that I havent been the best mum to her. But I know thats my guilt talking to me. The pain I feel when she mucks up, and I think she's rebelling against me. I then find out that its not just me she's doing it to, but also her dad and stepmother. That comforts me, strangely....I know I have given all the love I can, even though she might push me away, literally. But I just let her know, that I'm here for her and always will be-no matter what.
I am new to this site and thought i was the only person like this,hearing your stories is great thanks for letting people like me know we are not alone
I am new here..and I am sooo glad that I have come to this site...I am in the same boat as all of you and I really thought I was going to go through all this alone...I hope that we can all become friends and help each other along our journeys through life..I would love to hear from all of you :)
Hi Jade
I too am so glad i found this site!!
Ive sent a couple of emails on to people....but alas I think i forgot to put the "au" on the end of my email address.....One of those days!
Love to hear back from any of you reading this!
So nice to know there are others out there (even tho I wouldnt wish any of this experience on my worst enemy)... I dont think any of us signed up for this trip for the joy of it...for me it has been far from fun, 3 1/2 yrs on tho & Im learning to smile again. There will be gold at the end of our rainbows one day!
Hugs from Amanda :)
