My story is in that my ex went for sole custody and my situation at that time I was heading for a nervous breakdown and felt so beaten, as I was also a parent in a step family situation with joint custody of my 2 sons, (which originally was full custody but the ex went for joint) that I signed the court order before going to court, some how not wanting to hear the decision by the courts that he would be awarded sole custody. I felt that I was only doing it for the boys and did not want to fight for selfish reasons.

I live every day with the guilt for not "fighting" for them. All I ever wanted for my boys was stability in a happy family environment, which at the beginning when I first left their father I thought I could provide them. I was fine for the first year. Then I met a man who had 3 kids, all living with their mother, and we married only after a year!!. Then things went from wanting to provide a new family for my boys to joint custody with their father, 6 months at a time, and then their stepfather banning my oldest son from coming to stay with us for "lying" about something (I can't even remember what it was about it was such a small insignificant lie) It was a situation where his children could do no wrong and my eldest was blamed for everything. So my ex did not let my youngest come to stay with me as my eldest was not coming and that lasted a month and then I was served with the papers for sole custody and I had my breakdown.

Their father lived around the corner of the primary school they went to in a very good suburb of perth, and I lived 45 minutes away in a "dump" of a suburb. He lived in a house next door to his parents "rent free" and was in a relationship and his partner was pregnant and she doted on them. So I thought he could provide all the things I ever wanted to and couldn't provide at the time. That was 6 years ago and there is not a day that goes past where I don't cry for my boys, but I live with knowing I did the best thing for them at the time.

I feel so alone and have no friends, not wanting to bring up the subject of children, which at my age, 38, everyone expects you to have kids, and tell anyone when I meet new people that my children live with their father, so embarressed, as the people I do tell look at me as though I must of been such a bad mother that the courts awarded them to their father. At work It was only a few weeks ago that I told everyone that my boys are now going to live with their father. I have lived the past 6 years not telling my work colleagues the situation they just "assumed" that they lived with me.

The way people automatically assume the kids live with you when you get onto the subject of talking about family, and when I now say yes I have 2 boys and they live with their father, they always reply "REALLY!" you must miss them so much, how did that happen?" So I have gotten into the habit of avoiding making friends and the people who do know the story, I feel they think less of me. I am currently in a blended family, my partner of 4 years has 2 kids, 15 & 16 and now live with us full time for the last year and a half. This is also quite painfull for me as when I first met my partner we were in the same situation and he knew my story and accepted me for me, and then things changed (as they seem to do alot!) with us up and moving 50 minutes away from my kids so we could be closer to his, as his son was having trouble at school and he wanted to be closer and more supportive which I understand completely. Then their mother got a job on the mines so they came and lived with us. I feel so guilty that I am living with his children and not mine. It's a continuous emotional battle to live my life.

I hope I havn't rambled on too much, It feels good just to write this email. If you could provide any contact details in regards to any support groups for part-time mums, I'd appreciate it very much.

Regards

Rebecca

Your story is amazing and important. There may be only a few of us emailing each other and it tends to be privately (as Ive just emailed you a minute ago) but the start of it is this website. The support is important and your story made me feel like I wasnt alone in the tears over my little one.
I can't really tell the Judges and Barristers at my Law faculty about my own pain because it sounds like Im running my own agenda, but the stories of the women here - with permission - I show to these people so they can see the pain of being coerced into signing orders. The males in the faculty are especially moved by the stories of these women strangely. For those who havnt read, I did Law after signing consent orders in ignorance giving the father of my only child, custody. This should never be able to occur without proper legal advice and counselling as it would be with adoption just to make sure there's no threats or violence occurring. Anyway keep writing. Katya